Bruise

Bruise

By: Marie Castiano

you, you non-artificial reminder of a last physical altercation. you, some mark left by a sentiment that i'd rather not remember. you, mocking all the fibers of my delicate skin, aching in every movement of my muscle. changing your colors, as quick as I've changed my emotions, changed my thinking, in the things that i'm feeling, nothing left standing except for you. all I've got left is a memory, and your the only trigger to that obscene vision, I left it unconfined, but when i moved my body, it was you i envisioned. i wish i could erase you from the surface of my skin, remove all the feeling from inside and within. pick and tear away the layers that somehow make up your existence. the foulness, the cruelty, the hatred, left within that one particular spot. i try to keep my eyes from it, but quickly realize its my only thought. it's eroded into the membrane, left shot by the nerve cells in my spine. sanity gives way to the wish, of not wanting it to be mine. and yet it's still you, the embodiment of my lowest sadness. you, the reminder of the weakest I've ever been, you, you, and only you, the creation of a passion lost, a love that has disappeared, you are the face of your creator, you are the answer to that painful resolution, you are within me forever, my external and internal, bruise. by: marie castiano

.Regretted Creation.

By:

Marie Castiano

I Wish I knew what psycho,

created a being like me,

Created under setting sun,

forgotten by the sea,

Was born with just one thought inside,

A thought I now deceive,

And yet I blend with perfect sense with others,

Not like me.

I hide intentions perfectly,

you never saw them once,

And yet you knew,

that something odd has taken over me,

I guess you could look,

beyond what you see,

But before me lies, so many lies, that tie around my throat,

I lie and lie,

to just get by,

to get away from truth.

If I get away from truth,

then I can run away from you,

Im not afraid to go away,

disappeared in a breeze so cold

You shiver from the thoughts,

like madness wrapped around its shell

I could not redefine the place,

I was blown away by hate.

And yet I suffocate,

And yet I recreate.

I wish I knew what psycho,

Created a being like me.

11.13.10 mc

.Imaginary.

Imaginary

By: marie castiano

Enticing and seductive as it is,

I must regretfully decline,

The invitation you have placed in my spine,

How tempting,

the remark of it all,

How boldly you placed,

each ligament to induce mine,

Frightened me,

and made me smile at the same time.

I have a certain path,

that has been carved for me to walk,

Shame on me,

to let you,

talk me out of walking in this line,

How good it must have felt,

for you,

to see me,

break my guidelines,

Ashamed I was,

that I too felt somewhat gratified.

Allowing for lies to set in deep,

Unraveled the verbal secrecy,

And allow them to not be such blasphemy.

My hand melted into yours,

And so it was not forced upon,

Whatever journey we sailed on.

It was not right,

And it was not wrong.

Eyes Now look at what our souls show off,

They did not agree,

Mostly about you and me,

Or what was laid in secrecy.

Whatever sounds our voices made,

Were heard throughout the universe,

The universe looked bleakly upon,

what made the beautiful sounds,

And found us intertwined,

in perfect harmony.

As I remember now,

why I rejected such tempting invitation,

The owner of this spine,

Walked across the lawn,

And did not see the journey

I was once upon.

What was hidden in the darkness,

Remained there.

Ashamed?

Not I.

Not Anymore.

Not after I experienced the freedom placed there.

I Shall allow for the memory,

To decay in its crevice,

And allow it,

to find me again,

Whenever my life creates,

The need for my soul to escape.

11.15.10. mc

11.14.11.mc

.whats in this obligation,

only i receive,

that everyone is enjoying time,

except me.

watching all these people,

growing in reverse,

standing in slow motion,

watching it from earth.

i report that these,

workers really do seem

rather,

content and happy.

but more and more i see

children running to the streets,

yelling to their elders,

dont you see me?

im not that grown up yet,

for you to leave me on my own!

do you hear what im saying?

im not that grown!

and as i watch these smaller people,

cry out to the skies,

the pain welds up inside me,

and i begin to cry.

a storm forms on the coast,

slowly starting to get worse.

parents look up to the sky,

and see their children faces

reflected in the skies.

the storm is made,

from the rage

in their souls.

i report what happens,

to the parents on the shores.

and thus it takes a storm,

and something much more.

children see through the masks

their parents often front.

forgetting little faces,

and placed them in the mud.

reporting now is over,

and though i often see,

little smiles on the shores,

smiling up at me.

01.14.11.mc

.Truth Is.

I can’t let my emotions break me,

I won’t allow this pain to destroy me,

All of my weakness lies on the surface,

Its like they are looking right trough me,

They no longer see a person.

I’ve wasted all of my energy trying to push down this torment,

Trying to hide tears that I know are just worthless,

Am I the only one that can feel myself fading?

Well no longer I will be here waiting,

Your acceptance is no longer necessary,

The visions that were once blurry are now past visionaries.

I’ve given up trying to make these people understand ,

that I am still only human,

I accepted the consequences of everything I’ve done,

I hurt you, you’ve hurt me, and vice a versa,

But no longer will I weep,

I believe im strong enough now to stand on my own two feet.

I'm no longer the child that use to sit alone and cry,

I can now focus on reality, I no longer fantasize,

All of us together happily?

That must have been a joke,

When I say how I feel I will no longer choke,

An independent intellectual I have become,

And I feel sorry for no one,

you’re the only victim to your ridiculous denial,

And im happy to have gone trough, what ive gone trough,

Cuz now I can say finally without rage,

That my papers will no longer be filled with your malignant hate.

Truth is I feel like now I can close the book,

For something that took to me years to finish,

And made me crumble up and wonder,

Will I ever win this?

Truth is I believe you are a liar,

A faker that no matter how honest I was,

It meant nothing to you until I fed you my blood.

Truth is you made my weakness your strength,

And took advantage of what was meant to be thanked.

Truth is im strong,

Truth is im smart,

Truth is im more cultured

Truth is im respected

Truth is im depended upon,

Truth is im able

Truth is im majestic

Truth is im beautiful

Truth is im not weak

Truth is im strong enough to speak

Truth is im im moving on

Truth is im done.

.Table For Two.

Table For Two

By: Marie Castiano

Scene Setting:

(Single mother awaits, her baby daddy to arrive, preparing for the great debate. Single mother sick and tired of carrying on her own. She knows now, that all that matters is her son, and just wants the father to be there, with our without funds…)

Ms. MC:

“can’t wait for this trash talker to get here.” she angrily mumbles under her breathe.

As she looks out the window, eagerly seeking her guest.

She looks up to see, knighted mr. trash talker in the flesh, her teeth now cringe,

As her thoughts slowly manifest.

Mr. Trash:

“You look great baby cakes, and even that’s too much, I mean im juz saying, after all you went trough. I drove all the way over here just to see you, must be a pleasure boo, for real baby girl, you lookin too damn good.”

Ms. MC:

“well that’s real sweet words, even for a man like you, forgive my harsh tone, but I aint your damn boo. If you don’t know what your down here for, well here’s blues clue. 10 damn months after birth, and not a single sight from you.”

Mr. Trash:

“woah hold up now, beba, where’s this coming from? I thought we agreed all we had was fun. Can’t go back on all that shyt you was on, telling me “oh, well if you really want to, then I guess I want to too, I really love you baby, I really want to”.

Ms. MC:

“ha ha ha, you must out your damn mind, got me twisted with the low life freaks you be grinding all the time. How the hell you gonna tell me, our commitment was none, when we’ve been in this since before you ever even got some!”

Mr. Trash:

“yea well I guess in that part your right, but how the hell am I suppouse to know that baby is mines? Last I heard, after you and me was done, you would have gave a nickel and a dime just to get some”.

Ms. MC:

“don’t come at me with all that fakery and nonsense, cuz Im not having that, you know damn well anybody around here would have disrespected me, no question, next day, straight up, laying six feet deep. And say word son, cuz I even saved you, had to tell crew to chill, that you would show up soon. Even homies, skillz, pit and abys, were ready with their glocks, had all my people straight up flaming on the block!”

Mr. Trash:

“ well wat you want from me now, cuz I’ll tell you straight up, we aint getting back together, I don’t care who’s on the block. I know all you want is this dough, but im not giving you shyt you ain’t worked for!”

Ms. MC:

“I don’t care about your dough, or your hourly wage, or your one figure salary that you sweat for all day. I don’t care about us, I know that’s fantasy is done, I know now to be careful with whom I give my love! I called you here solemnly because….”

(single mother held her head down, ready to dismiss, all the cruel words spoken by her and his, gathered all her energy to humbly forgive, and remember what she promised her son…. “I promise you, by the time im done, you’ll have both mom and daddy, flesh, soul and bone”…..she looked up at the man, who had caused her so much pain, and remembered the first man who had made her feel pain, who was a ghost in her life, a missing heart frame….her father)

Ms. MC:

“look out any window on the ave, any window in our projects, and you’ll see what our children don’t have. What statistics they fall under, and remember what we didn’t have. You grew up without your father, I grew up without mines too, I know how much it hurt you, no girl knows you more than I do. No girl has held your hand while you spoke about your pops, how vivid those nightmares were, leaving your mother, their empty without any sense of self-worth. Those days are history, but it doesn’t change what we went trough. I look at our son in his eyes everyday, and I swear all I can see reflected is my fear that you’ll do me the same. Please, please, please (tears rolling down her eyes) don’t let our child become victimized! All I ask is for your acceptance, and possibly your heart, to do what your father couldn’t do for you, give our son your heart.”

Mr. Still Trash:

“I’ve known you forever, and I should have known better to be calling you out your letter. I apologize because for as long as I can clarify, you never gave me a reason to think that you would lie.”

Ms. MC:

“apology accepted, I knew it all in self-defense, but tell me knighted one, do you accept? Or do you reject?”

Mr. No Longer Trash:

“I knew he was our son, but from fear of being played dirty, I called what he had -fun-. In all honesty I ran away from us, I never stopped loving you, not even from that day, when you thought it was the last time that I walked away. Cant believe that even then, you still had more strength than me, I blew you off, but you called me, cuz I know deep down inside you still believe in me. I accept without regret, and may I never forget, that’s all about our son now, no victim, or statistic, falling under no category, just lil mr. no longer trash MC jr. the only real glory we have in our story.”

Scene Ends:

(smile and tears on single mother’s face, hugs the man that had her raged for 10 months after birth, so happy she maintained her self-worth, and helped to break the cycle of the “no daddy” curse)

.The Kid in the Back.

The kid in the back

By: Marie Castiano

His Eccentricity was always so special,

And viewed from a point so extra terrestrial,

Rarely ever recognized or maybe just feared.

Concerned with being accepted,

maintained himself in the rear.

Here and there some gossip was spread,

But left in corners

As to not awaken the dead.

Young man,

was a starving man,

But no one ever knew,

Some say he carried it all in his shadow,

So no one had a clue.

Hard headed,

Tough looking,

Had a G status to him,

But silence were the only words

that were fed to them.

Every chance he got,

he would start fading away,

No one ever listened to him,

never cared what he had to say.

They

Called this man,

“the quiet one”

But they could never

hear,

Him screaming…

at the top of his lungs…

Without anyone ever replying more than once.

To him in his mind

they all were ants in a line,

bugs he could crush,

He slowly, created a vortex

Of which he could only enter,

And soon everyone realized,

he would not reveal his intentions.

How could any of those materialistic people ever know,

That the kid in the back was slowly losing his glow.

Soon

He would show how he lost the meaning to his flow.

the passion he had once of wanting to explode.

Some were left in shock, from what happened to him next,

What he did to himself, left them without words to eject

Silent tears created by those who never knew him,

And to those who knew him,

remained strictly reclusive.

So next time, y

ou see that one guy,

Who walks and runs at the same time,

Dont be shy,

To give that man a try,

What is it really worth to you to stop and say hi,

To maybe pay attention…

And hear that man cry,

Hear that man weep,

Hear that man laugh,

smile,

and reveal what remains so deep.

I’ll Tell you this,

after that last one,

I never will ignore,

Another quiet creative soul like me,

Wanting the chance to release,

the air inhaled within so deep.